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Hell’s Kitchen – Episode 6 (“Day Six”)

Posted by g3tech on July 10, 2007

Gordon Ramsay’s Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 34
Rock’s Bleep-O-Flipping-Out-Meter: 15
Best Ramsay Insult of the Night: “It looks like regurgitated dog shit.”
Best Contestant Quote of the Night: “A grilled bullshit with some fucking apples. Originality! Be CREATIVE!” — Rock

After the contestants retire to their rooms, Melissa goes to hang out with her new teammates, and already she’s commanding attention and making speeches. After she loudly and gratingly announces that she will never sabotage her team, Rock, blissed out by finally getting to the end of a long-ass night, tells her, “But we run our kitchen a little different. We’ll talk you to tomorrow. Tonight is all about everybody’s still here.” Meanwhile, Bonnie orders up a meeting in one of their rooms and tells Melissa, “Not you, bitch!” Damn, baby girl’s suddenly got a mouth on her now! Bonnie gives her team a pep talk and ends it with, “Hug it out, my girls! You guys, I love you!” Yeah, just as long as none of them drops the Spirit Stick Blender, right?

The next day we find out — all surprisingly — that while Jen has been “passing” as a pastry chef, it turns out she’s actually cooked in a few places. Not only that, but her pastry cheffery has been at some pretty swank places, like Morimoto and The Ritz. Jen tells us that she’d rather people not set the bar too high on her from the get-go. She’d rather fly under the radar as a small-town pastry chef so she can impress everyone when she brings it. Rock totally gets Jen’s strategy, acknowledging that she wasn’t lying, she was just holding back: “I like it, I appreciate it because that’s gamesmanship, and this is a competition.”

The Quickfire this week — I know, I know, wrong show, but what else can I call it? Quickfire and Brimstone? — has the contestants snagging live lobsters from a tank and then coming up with three separate lobster dishes per team. Bonnie is immediately dismayed by this turn of events and mewls up her face, pouting for the lost lobster lives. Of course, Ramsay notes this and asks what crustacean crawled up her butt. “Chef, I hate killing lobsters. I cry every time,” Bonnie protests. “So do the lobsters,” Rock awesomely rejoins. I love Rock. Ramsay tells her, “The quicker you put the knife through the head, the better.” Bonnie snivels to us, grinning because I’m sure she thinks her admission makes her the cutest thing around, “I mean, I love to eat it — it tastes great, but I hate to be responsible for killing something.” If you’re going to be a chef, you’re gonna have to get over that attitude. Josh, because of identifying scallops as lobster in the taste test challenge, is ordered to sit this one out. He’s not allowed to touch a lobster; he can only advise his team.

Bonnie’s issues are not over. Not only does she hate killing lobsters, but she also doesn’t like touching them because they are “weird little things.” Seriously, if Bonnie wins this whole thing, I can totally see Ramsay forcing her to be on his F-Word series, so she can begin to understand what it means to get food on the table. As the contestants run to the tanks to load up on their live, un-rubber-banded lobsters, a few of them get pinched, and Bonnie tries to avoid going to the tank completely. However, since Julia goes for the pans Bonnie was intending to busy herself with, Bonnie is forced to dive into the tank and, whimpering all the time, pulls out a “big fucker.” She continues whimpering as she dumps it into the pot of boiling water and apologizes to it. After this show, Bonnie and Keziah formed the first international fruitarian society. Since most of the Blues know what they are doing, all Josh can do is advise Melissa on her cold lobster salad. We never do see any of them knifing lobsters through the head.

Going head-to-head, the contestants present their dishes to Chef Ramsay. Between Bonnie’s grilled lobster salad with baked apples and Melissa’s poached lobster and citrus-herb salad, Ramsay declares for Bonnie, citing improperly cooked lobster in Melissa’s dish. Nice one, Josh. Next is Julia’s lobster risotto and Rock’s buttermilk-fried lobster tail, Ramsay chooses Rock. Even though her lobster was perfectly tender and had “intriguing” spice to it, Ramsay decided that Julia’s risotto was boring. Finally, Jen’s lobster bisque with saffron and thyme is up against Brad’s lobster bisque with “Disaronno chantilly.” Ramsay professes to be stymied right into the commercial break, where the Hell’s Kitchen bumper pitchfork is produced by lobster bubbles. They’re getting creative with these, aren’t they? We had the muddy combat boot print in “Day 3,” and now this, and then there’s that violent slice of bloody roast beef later.

In the end, Ramsay rules in favor of the Reds, and given the award, you can’t but help wonder if this was a set-up. I mean, a photo shoot where the girls are to surround Ramsay like Charlie’s Angels? Did they really just come up with that on the fly? I don’t know, maybe I’m too cynical. Maybe In Touch had two photo shoot scenarios planned out, one for the girls and one for the boys…plus Melissa. Ramsay details how the Reds are going to be dressed up and have their makeup and hair done and get all prettified. It’s so ironic how Melissa and her carefully groomed Amber Waves of Annoying don’t get to participate in this one. Bonnie is so beside herself at the prospect of being made pretty with Ramsay that she can barely form coherent sentences.

The losing Blues have to scour the garbage bins for recyclables. Rock is pissed and he lets everyone know it: “I grew up in the ghetto, in the hood, and I ain’t never been in no trash.” Brad suggests that they take their punishment like men, but Rock turns into an angerball. I mean, he totally loses it. Smashing stuff around, tossing stuff, scoring his own Bleep-O-Fucking Meter, the works. Out back, Scott shows them what they’re recycling: piles of plastic and glass bottles. They need rinsing and sorting. See, that’s not that bad. I was worried they were going to have to reclaim trashed food, so Ramsay could make a point about how much they’ve been throwing out all week. Didn’t he do that in Season One or Two?

After a Champagne-fueled limo ride, the Reds and Ramsay arrive at the photo shoot and squee all over the place. During hair and makeup, the girls tease Ramsay about wearing makeup. “Chefs don’t wear makeup,” Ramsay informs them. Moving on to his hair, Jen hopes that he’s having someone do something with it: “You look like you got stuck in a wind tunnel, or something.” Ramsay, embarrassed, thanks her for that. After hair and makeup, the girls come out in their dresses. Bonnie’s got on a blue and white patterned number that looks like it could be an Uli creation, Julia walks self-consciously out in a short green high-waisted dress that does nothing for her shoulders but much for her bosoms, and Jen totally ruins her black sheath by dropping her mannish jaw and sort of waving her arms around…mannishly. Puzzlingly, they eat and drink after the makeup was applied. I guess they can always have their lips redone, but Jen really needs to keep her mouth shut when she’s chawing through her grub.

Back in Hell, the Blues recycle. But then! In a twist! Rock is called to the photo shoot! Gasp! I wonder if they changed their mind and decided he needed to be prettied up and posed as well! Poor Rock. He arrives at the shoot and just stands there, waiting for the other clog to drop. The girls eye him and wonder what he’s doing there. Anyone who couldn’t predict this turn of events hasn’t watched enough seasons of this show. Was it last season that a contestant — all smelly from something — was dispatched to the photo shoot to dispense Champagne to the winners? Saying that he’d “rather be complete from start to finish,” Ramsay asks Rock to take out a bin of trash FROM THE PHOTO SHOOT and recycle it. Bonnie sympathetically groans, “No way!” through a mouthful of lipstick, food, and Champagne. Not done with his torment, Ramsay asks what stinks. It’s Rock. Ramsay offers Rock a sandwich for his journey, but Rock turns him down, saying, “I’m great, I’m full of bullshit already.” Seriously, poor Rock. However, do you think he brought it on himself? If he hadn’t bitched so much about their loss and punishment, I doubt they would have sent him. It wouldn’t have been dramatic enough. I wonder if they would have sent Melissa instead, just so she could see exactly what girly stuff she was missing out on by moving to the Blues. Wielding kitchen equipment, like pizza cutters and electric mixers, the Reds are posed around Ramsay like Charlie’s Angels. Someone really should have been holding a crème brûlée torch. After Ramsay tells Jen to watch where she’s “rolling that pizza cutter,” we see the finished In Touch cover, and I’m sort of disappointed they didn’t slap “Hell’s Bitches?” over it.

Rock returns with the bag of trash from the shoot and just starts smashing the bottles into the pile. Okay, it sounds like he’s smashing the bottles but we don’t actually see them post-smashment. He’s pissed and he’s not talking. He’s gone somewhere very dark. And there’s that squishy-loud Roast Beef Slice of Violence taking us into commercial.

Rock seems to have zenned himself out before they have to prep for that night’s service. He tells us calmly that he was pissed earlier but he’s back to being a leader for his team. During prep, Melissa goes out of her way to be helpful to the Blues, and the Reds believe they are doing just fine with one less cook. Five minutes before service, Ramsay tells the teams that Bonnie’s grilled lobster salad is going on the menu. Furthermore, because the Blues lost, it is their responsibility to supply both teams with live lobster when the order comes up. Josh volunteers to be the “lobster bitch.”

Service begins, and Rock tells Melissa to “lean on the team.” However, she’s not to blame when the Blue team gets behind with a big pot of non-boiling water and spaghetti appetizer orders to fill. The Reds get a head start and have no problems getting their appetizers out, and even seem to be hitting the ground running with their first entrees. However, even when you’re doing well, Ramsay needs to yell at you. For doing well. Basically, he berates them that they better not fuck it up. Brad gives Ramsay one too many appetizers, and then Melissa screws up the scallops, and both of them incur Ramsay’s ire. Sadly, Bonnie, excited that her team is on fire, does in fact set them on fire. Her station flares up and she has no idea what to do with it. She pulls the flaming pan and puts it on the floor, where it seems to get extinguished, because by the time Ramsay stomps over to lecture her on proper fire safety, the fire’s out. Back in the Blue kitchen, Josh has turned his unsalted mashed potatoes into cake batter and is pouring them on the plate. Ramsay can’t handle it and starts kicking bins angstily. The Reds’ entrees keep going out with both Mary Anne’s and Ramsay’s compliments, so of course, Ramsay threatens, “I swear if anyone screws this, you’ve only got yourselves to blame.” Melissa’s overcooked risotto earns a hissed “This is your worst service ever!” for Brad from Ramsay. Melissa overcooks monkfish, so Ramsay goes around to every Blue team member and says, “She doesn’t know that’s overcooked? She doesn’t know that’s overcooked!” Ramsay switches Rock onto fish and exiles Melissa to garnish.

Although the Reds have had a pretty stellar service all night, Ramsay did yell at Julia for some fish missteps and then Bonnie gets impatient with Julia over Wellington doneness. That’s about all Julia can take and she dissolves into tears as she keeps working. Bonnie pleads, “Are you mad at me?” God, how selfish is that? She’s so worried that Julia is mad at her, she doesn’t even consider that her own actions upset her. No, it’s all about you, Bonnie.

Out in the dining room, JP fields complaints from diners about chewy, overcooked lobster and offers to bring all the plates back to the kitchen. At the pass, JP explains, “Lobster shooey, chef.” The beef’s overdone as well. Ramsay gouges his eyes as he realizes this means redoing a six-top, so he does the only thing he can do at this point. “Shet it down!” he bellows. A diner, who was paid fifty dollars to eat at the restaurant for free, can’t believe he’s not going to get dessert. “Fuck that,” he comments, and BOOM! he’s on TV.

The Blue team loses (again!) and Ramsay tells them they all suck, so the four of them need to come up with two people to send to the chopping block. After some consideration, the Blues decide to base their judgment on everyone’s overall performance, and agree on Melissa and Josh. In front of Ramsay, we don’t even see the Blue team come forward with their nominations. Instead, he cuts to the chase and barks at Melissa to hand over her jacket and get out of Hell’s Kitchen. Oh, but Ramsay’s not done yet. He calls Brad and Josh forward, treats them to some moderate berating and sends them back to Rock, warning them that this is their last chance. Ramsay tells them all to “get a grip” and sends them the fuck off to bed.


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