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Big Brother – Episode 7 (“Jiltin’ Joe”)

Posted by g3tech on July 21, 2007

Eviction Night! And the feeling’s right! Et cetera! Julie — in a simple black sheath, nicely complemented by a chunky necklace and Christian Louboutin heels — catches us up, and then we’re back to a blue-and-white flashback of Daniele undoing her nomination and Jen replacing her with Joe. Jen DRs that Joe is manipulative and so forth, and that there are a lot of reasons for him to get voted out. As the soundtrack slide-guitars us into colour footage, Daniele hugs Joe, and then DRs that she’s happy to be off the block herself (doy), doesn’t want Dick to go, and feels it “sucks” that she has to vote out someone else — the usual. We get a shot of a smug-looking Dustin at the Veto Ceremony (in which, as always, the Veto Medallion is shown not to fit in the Veto Humidor — again, the usual), and then Dustin DRs that when he saw that there was a chance Joe might go home, a wave of ecstasy came over him. Dick DRs that he’s confident about his chances against Joe, since Dick has done a better job than Joe at forging relationships with his fellow houseguests.

And Joe? Well, Joe knows he’s screwed. In the bathroom, Joe teeth-grittingly fake-fake-complains about his nomination to Daniele, who fake-apologizes. He tells her not to sweat it, since she had to take herself out of the running. Joe then DRs that he’s not “a sad little raincloud” who’s going to bring everyone down, and that he won’t freak out, like the women nominated last week did.

Cue the montage of Joe campaigning to stay in the house! He tells Kail that he wants to stay in the house. He tells Mike (and Mike’s pepperoni-esque nipples) that he wants to stay in the house. He tells Jessica that he wants to stay in the house, to which she DRs that Joe would probably sell her out to stay in the game (again: doy), so she’ll probably be voting for Dick to stay. Joe and Jessica snuggle down for the night — Joe is the big spoon, probably because Jessica wouldn’t get a very good night’s sleep getting jabbed in the chest with the knife in Joe’s back.

America’s Player. Eric is very happy to get to vote out Joe.

Kail and Dick chat on the hammock, where Dick states that Kail’s put a target on her back by making an alliance with Mike. Kail DRs that her concern with Dick is that he’s going to go after someone in her alliance. Back on the hammock, she tells Dick that she’s currently planning to vote for him to stay, but will let him know if that changes. Dick, in the DR, isn’t concerned, and knows “for a fact” that he already has six or seven votes in his back pocket, presumably all attached to a wallet chain.

Kail apparently goes straight from her conversation with Dick to…the HoH room? (Sorry, this is the first episode this season that I’ve seen, and if that is the HoH, it’s weirdly Spartan.) Anyway, she tells Mike, who’s chilling on the bed, that they need to oust Dick, and further DRs that she needs to line up five votes for Dick so that Jen can break the tie. Kail hisses to Mike that they might be able to convince Daniele that she’d have a better time in the game if her dad were gone and she wasn’t suffering from that tension; Mike agrees that it might work.

Kail then gets a quiet moment with Daniele (and Jameka, who of course says nothing) in the living room, and starts yammering about how great she thinks Daniele is — “How much you’ve overcame [sic]” — and how the one thing Dick did right as a father was to leave Daniele with his parents. In the DR, Daniele comments that Kail is one of the most paranoid people in the house right now: “I know what she’s doing. She’s campaigning against my dad.” You think? I was about to make fun of how bad Kail is at being sly…but she almost was, if Daniele thinks she’s cracked the Enigma code by seeing through it.

Later, everyone’s outside when Daniele comes out to tell Dick that Kail’s been turning the house against him. She keeps muttering at him not to say anything until the next day, so that it’s not obvious that she tipped him off, but…like, maybe she could have picked a time to say something to him when Kail wasn’t right there. Anyway, Dick says he’s going to call Kail out.

Later, in the kitchen, Kail urges Mike and Nick to vote out Dick, and seriously, she’s acting like it’s a matter of national security. Nick DRs that he doesn’t have a problem with either of the week’s nominees, and doesn’t really want to vote out either of them.

The next day (let’s say), Jameka, Jessica, Dustin, Eric, Mike, and Kail are sitting around the kitchen eating breakfast when Dick decides to make his big move on Kail. He kicks off by asking how the rest of the houseguests reacted when she started campaigning against him, and that he heard it wasn’t well-received. Just as this conversation is getting underway, of course, Daniele crosses through the kitchen to go lie out, not looking at anyone and with a giant thought bubble over her head that reads “JUST ACT NATURAL.” Anyway, Kail’s initial strategy is to say that she told Dick on the hammock that she would tell him if she changed her mind about her vote, but he’s all “we had an agreement about it,” so she gives up on that and instead starts tidying up, chirpily agreeing with everything he says and trying not to engage with him. Dick’s all “Tell them the truth” this, and “you can’t be trusted” that, and Kail pastes on her smile as she works way too hard at seeming unconcerned. And everyone else in the room, by the way, just sits there, not even looking at each other, possibly because they’re afraid they’re going to start laughing about how ridiculous this is. Anyway, Dick finally vents his spleen and takes off, and Kail is like, “WE HAVE FIVE VOTES RIGHT HERE!!!!!1!” Jameka says that she’s still on the fence, and Jessica DRs that she’s torn too, because Dick is annoying to live with. And look at.

Julie throws to some DR comments on the nominees. Kail doesn’t like the way Dick will pick one negative quality you may have and put it on shout to the house. Dustin can’t trust Joe to get him a glass of water without poisoning it. Nick and his sideswept bangs have a good rapport with Dick. Jessica objects to the way Dick burps and farts all the time. I really don’t think someone with a voice like that is qualified to comment on anyone else’s annoying habits. Nick has had lots of fun in the house with Joe, and doesn’t want to lose that. Jessica doesn’t trust Joe. Daniele and her bony arms feel it’s been awkward in the house with Dick, but she knows he’ll always have her back. Kail’s gut tells her that Dick has to go. Shut up, Kail. Shut up, Kail’s gut. I mean, not that I want Dick in the house any more than she does, but the more she beats the drum against him, the more I hate her.

Time for Julie to talk to the houseguests! Oh, this is always death. Julie tries to get Daniele to say she was conflicted about using the Veto on herself, but Daniele won’t bite, sing-songing, “It worked out for me!” Julie calls Amber out for all her crying this week, and Amber breaks bitchface long enough to laugh that she’s sensitive. Lame humour attempt involving Mike and Nick and their imaginary wives. Julie tries to get Nick to say that the name of his “wife” is Daniele, but that doesn’t work either, of course. Julie then “compliments” Jen on the many ways she’s found to wear her unitard, but I’m not going to give it any more attention than it’s already had.

Spotlight on Dustin and Joe! Remember how Dustin accused Joe of sleeping with Dustin’s best friend Nate, to get back at Dustin? Well, they beat the bushes and rustled up “The Man In The Middle,” whose head looks like a taxi with its doors open. Nate basically says that he’s a slut, and felt horrible for sleeping with Joe. He says that Joe has done a “grab bag” of awful things to Dustin, and as for the gonorrhea accusation? “Joe could have gotten gonorrhea anywhere,” Nate intones. Tractor seat? Nate says that Joe’s attempts to undermine Dustin in the house obviously aren’t working.

On the hammock, at some point since his nomination, Joe tells Dustin that he has a good chance of staying in the house, but that he will need Dustin’s vote. Dustin is impassive as Joe tells him, “This is the day I’ve chosen to be honest.” Oh, THIS is the day. I hope Dustin marks his calendar! Joe knows that it would mean Dustin’s putting himself “out there” to vote for Joe to stay. Dustin clears his throat and steps to the center of the proscenium arch as he declares that the way Joe’s played Big Brother reflects the way he’s “played the game of life.” For hours and hours, and with very little satisfaction or fun along the way? Dustin goes on to remind Joe that he’s slandered Dustin’s name, and has done nothing to indicate that he’s worth Dustin’s vote. “Your manipulation brought you to this point. I will not be voting to keep you in this house.” And, scene. Except then Joe tries to turn it around, saying that Dustin already had his mind made up when he sat down in the hammock, and then “manipulated” Joe into pouring his heart out to beg Dustin for his vote: “Everything that you hated about me, you now embody. Congratulations.” What? Dustin smiles faintly as Joe rolls out of the hammock, just glad to have had the last word.

More DR comments. Mike would take Dick out of the house because he causes “outbursts” that are uncomfortable for the other UN delegates who make up the roster of houseguests. Amber is “more closer [sic]” to Dick, who helped her out a lot last week. Joe is more of a threat to Zach than Dick is. Personality-wise, Jameka would miss Joe more than Dick. Zach, kind of awesomely, says that Dick has said he’s not even playing the game, but Zach has caught him playing the game “all over the place.” …No comment. Jameka still doesn’t know whom she’s going to vote for. Mike says that the only reason to keep Joe in the house is that then Dick would be gone. Can’t put anything past this guy!

Oh God, now it’s time for Julie to talk to Jen. How does Jen really feel about Dick? Jen actually thinks they’re a lot alike, except that Dick has a more explosive personality, so her strategy for coping with that is to be sweet and friendly back to him. What’s the deal with Jen and her photo on the memory wall? It’s a horrible photo! Did Jen nominate Daniele because she was jealous of all the attention Nick was paying her? Jen says no. I don’t quite believe her.

Live voting! Soon! First, Joe and Dick are dancing for their lives. Joe says that it’s been wonderful getting to know all his fellow houseguests. Now is the time for them to “take action” and prove that they’re as good as their word. It’s a very important vote, because they’ll be losing one of two great guys, and Joe hopes everyone does what they said they were going to. Dick and his weirdly high-waisted jeans also say it’s been great getting to know everyone; he hopes to get to know them better. He throws in a half-assed non-joke about how introverted he’s been so far (which earns a polite chuckle), and he hopes everyone can get to know him better. Kind of a weird note to end on, if the voters are like, “Nah, I’m good.”

Dustin is first to vote. Surprise, he votes to evict Joe. I don’t know whom he’s trying to impress with the super-deep v-neck, but he needs to throw that top away or get a camisole.

Will Daniele’s vote be emotional (because she kind of hates Dick) or strategic (because he’s her strongest ally)? If those are the choices, she’s going to be strategic, voting against Joe.

Eric goes through the motions of voting. Julie asks what he thinks of the weather, and he replies that it’s beautiful: “And remember, Julie, you can’t spell ‘America’ without ‘Eric.'” That poor chump sat on that line all week. You know he was practising it in the bathroom to make sure he didn’t need a retake on live television.

Amber’s had a special bond with Dick, apparently, and votes to evict Joe.

After the commercials, more voting! Kail risked reprisal with her anti-Dick campaign; unsurprisingly, she votes to evict him.

Jameka’s been on the fence, remember? She tipped over on the boot Joe side.

Mike’s been Kail’s strongest ally…until now, as he votes to evict Joe.

Joe’s had six votes, but in case you were wondering, Nick also wants to evict Joe. Jessica also wants Joe out even though they’ve been bedmates. And Zach has been vocal in his anti-Joe sentiment, but his two strongest allies– “I vote to evict Joe.” Ha! Zach totally announces his vote while Julie’s still talking, so she has to make him say it again. Finally, a fuckup that isn’t 90% Chen.

Julie announces that, by a vote of 9-1, Joe’s evicted. He smiles like he was expecting it. Everyone lines up for hugs. Joe wishes everyone luck. Kail? Shitting a brick.

As Joe and Julie settle in, more hugs are exchanged back in the house. Kail does her best not to wet her pants.

Chenderdome. How does it feel for BB-obsessed Joe to have been outplayed by Dustin? It sucks. As soon as he saw Dustin in the house, his game was blown. Joe likes to stir things up — was it smart for him to try to kiss Jen? Not really, but Jen and “everyone connected to Jen” (9-1 vote, dude) wanted him to stay, so it didn’t make that big a difference. Joe was just more open in stirring the pot than other players were. Hey, what about that thing where Joe was sleeping and thought someone latched onto his leg? Eric reveals himself as “America’s Player,” and we see green-and-white footage of Eric getting into bed with him. Joe is delighted about the big twist, and honoured to have been chosen by America to be snuggled by Eric.

Final thoughts. Dick won’t miss him. Zach won’t either. Kail says, “I campaigned very strongly for you” (…it was more against Dick than for Joe, but whatever), and martyrously adds that her alleged pro-Joe campaign probably means she “dug [her]self a hole” in the house. Yeah, probably. Jessica pretends she’s in the house missing him. Nick thinks Joe is the most charismatic person he’s ever known. “Hi, Joe, it’s Jen.” He…can see you. She hopes he’s not there seeing her goodbye message. Dustin doesn’t think that Joe is the same person he was when they met, but (as Joe smiles tightly) he hopes that Joe will take care of himself. As the Joe/Dustin splitscreen fades out, Julie tries to look grave, but Joe lets out one bitter cackle. Julie asks why he’s laughing, and Joe shrugs, “Because of that face he made.” I didn’t really see any face (and I backed up the recording to check, I swear). Julie promises that she’ll ask him about that on The Early Show. Oh, well NOW I’ll be watching.

After the commercials, it’s the HoH competition — this time, with a lame “school” theme. The houseguests are all at little elementary-school desks, each with a T/F cube. Answer wrong, you’re out; if everyone answers right or wrong, on to the next question. WOW, Amber is bitchfaced. Dustin’s out in the first round with a question about what Carol said when she got evicted. Jameka, Eric, Zach, and Jessica are eliminated with a math question about the butter competition. The third question is about the animal topiaries in the back yard at the house — are they based on Michelangelo’s “Garden Of Eden” sculptures? Uh, no, KAIL — and Julie rubs it in by adding that there are no Garden Of Eden sculptures by Michelangelo. Like Julie knew that. Amber and Nick are eliminated on a question about some stupid thing Jen said about guess what her unitard. Daniele, Dick, and Mike are left to answer the last question, about the pie competition. Daniele guesses wrong, and starts to mouth “fuck” before she catches herself, but it doesn’t matter, because Dick and Mike also got it wrong. There’s another question about guess what Jen’s unitard, and they all get it right, so it’s on to a tiebreaker about guess what Jen’s FUCKING unitard! What is UP with the UNITARD?! Even Jen, on the sidelines, can’t believe it’s such a topic of conversation. Was it stitched by hand by Les Moonves or something? Damn. Anyway, Dick guesses that Jen’s had the unitard for 120 hours, and since she’s actually had it for 125 (Daniele is over; Mike is under), Dick is the new HoH. Kail? Not that great at fake-smiling.

After commercials, we’re told we get to tell Eric which houseguest he should try to get nominated, and then we’re eavesdropping on the houseguests, not that anything interesting happens. I mean, we see Daniele hugging Kail, who apparently started crying during the break, but…even if we hadn’t seen it, we probably could have guessed.


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