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Hell’s Kitchen – Episode 10 (“Finale, Part 1”)

Posted by g3tech on August 10, 2007

Gordon Ramsay’s Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 0 (is that possible?!?)
Best Guest Judge Quote of the Night: “You told me if I didn’t make a choice, you’d put a cleaver in my back.” — Robin Leach to Ramsay
Best Contestant Quote of the Night: “The whole thing is setting up so I lose to a fucking nanny.” — Rock

Awesome. You gotta love a finale episode where practically nothing happens. The first eight minutes are padded thicker than a Serta with what has already happened in the last nine episodes.

When the episode actually starts, Ramsay gives Bonnie and Rock the briefest of moments to hang with their families. Rock’s two adorable kids are even trotted out for hugs and kisses before both families are shooed off with nary a conjugal moment for Rock. The next morning, Bonnie and Rock meet with an architect to discuss their visions for their individual restaurant. They have opposite tastes, but it doesn’t really matter because, a) the place never really looks any different; and b) they always get thrown a contrived curve, like, “Your ceiling fell in,” or “We couldn’t get your wallpaper to stick”; and c) it’s never part of the final judgment. So please, people, let’s stop wasting precious time diddling over these unnecessary elements and devote it to watching Ramsay have the closest thing to a televised aneurysm outside of the surgery channel. There’s a direct correlation between how little Ramsay swears and how much the episode ends up sucking. Furthermore, I don’t watch FOX for decorating tips, I watch it to lower my IQ and to absorb highly useful insults.

After the architect, the two take fashion consults with Jean-Phillippe to determine the uniforms for their servers. Bonnie goes with classic all-over black, but Jean-Phillippe has to talk Rock out of putting his servers in jeans, which prompts Rock to comment that JP had a look on his face “like a French poodle.” When Mary Anne and Scott are brought in to help Bonnie and Rock set their menu, Bonnie hurls herself screaming at a totally resistant Mary Anne before going over her menu. Bonnie appears to know exactly what she wants, including having mini grilled cheese sandwiches and tiny cups of tomato soup and a pasta with a sauce that apparently has come to be known as “Bonnie sauce.” Yeah, so between Bourdain foaming and sneering about “Rocco’s Frozen Love Juice” and now “Bonnie sauce,” I may never want to eat pasta again. Thankfully, we don’t get such intimate menu details from Rock, who appears to be floundering as he tries to think out his menu.

Using the same private plane Jen and Julie were treated to, Ramsay whisks Bonnie and Rock off to Vegas. I could never be on one of these shows because I could never get that excited about going to Vegas. On the Champagne-fueled flight, Ramsay reminds them of their Hell’s Kitchen highs and lows, which means…MORE CLIPS! After Bonnie and Rock squeal over a suite they don’t actually get to sleep in and a plasma screen playing a promo featuring them, Ramsay drags them off to “have a little drink and relax.” I’m sorry, but Ramsay using the word “relax” should have been the first warning sign that there was no way in hell there would be any relaxing going on. Bonnie and Rock find themselves on an outdoor stage in front of a screaming crowd FOX dragged off the strip just for this event.

Ramsay announces that Bonnie and Rock have 30 minutes to whip up their signature dishes, which will then be judged by various Vegas chefs, Robin “I’m not dead, I’m just in Vegas” Leach, Season 1 Winner Michael, Season 2 Winner Heather, and the Executive Chef and General Manager of the Green Valley Ranch Resort. Luckily, Bonnie and Rock have Mary Anne and Scott to help them out in the kitchen. “Where did they come from? Did they stowaway on the jet?” the Evil Dr. Mathra wonders. Naw, they flew it. Rock prepares fried chicken with crab cake, and Bonnie makes her version of fettuccine Alfredo with Key West shrimp and lobster. Bonnie wins the taste-off, but I’m predicting they did that just to give her a feeling of accomplishment when she loses the war, because I’m sorry but Rock? His wife? Their kids? His career? There’s no way he can lose to a little blonde from Santa Monica who woke up one day and just decided to be a chef.

After the taste-off, Ramsay gives both Bonnie and Rock golden invitations to eat at his chef’s table at his new New York restaurant, Gordon Ramsay at The London, and then the two competitors are back in their Hell’s Kitchen dorm, eating a “last supper” together. Bonnie asks, “Who’s Jesus and who’s Judas?” Does that make Ramsay Pontius Pilate? Because someone’s certainly getting crucified.

The last moment of interest in this episode is when most of the ousted contestants arrive at the dorm the next morning. Most seem happy to be there, except for Julia, who can’t stop crying. It’s not a loud, sobbing sort of thing, though; it’s more like the kind when you just can’t stop the tears from spilling over no matter how hard you try to dry them up by opening your eyes really wide and tipping your head back to make them go back down. Poor Julia. I really hope she can get it together and take Ramsay up on his offer to send her to culinary school, because her career is the one I care to follow when this is all over. Down in the kitchen, Bonnie and Rock pick teams. Bonnie’s taste-off win gives her the first pick, and she goes with Jen, while Rock goes for Brad. In the end, it’s back to boys against girls with Julia and Josh being the last chosen.

Previews for next week promise that the second part of the finale will be way more interesting than this week’s flavorless crap on a plate.


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