G3 Tech

Gaming, Gadgets & Gizmos (And Music, Movies & TV)

Hell’s Kitchen – Episode 11 (“Finale, Part 2”)

Posted by g3tech on August 14, 2007

Gordon Ramsay’s Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 9
Best Champion Quote of the Night: “It’s good to come home with quarter of a million dollars — HOLLA!” –Rock
Best Ramsay Quote of the Night: “You know what it’s like now? Standing on the fucking hotplate, where you’re getting fucked from behind?”

And it’s ROCK FOR THE WIN! Which means, of course, that Bonnie can reconsider being a teacher now. Now, I know I came down hard on Bonnie last week, but I will give her huge props for being an incredibly gracious and classy loser. Of course, the skeptic in me makes me wonder if she was as fine as she was with her loss because she just didn’t want the win That Bad. Meanwhile, this episode — like last week’s — really went on forever. Too much empty filler, not enough juicy swearing.

Bonnie and Rock led their chef teams back up to the loft to hold culinary powwows. While Bonnie opts for the slumber party approach of telling her “girls” how happy she is to have them all back with her, Rock drills his new underlings on the menu, stations, and prep. They elicit two very different responses from their teams. Brad announces to us, “We gotta to do the best we can for Rock,” but Julia says, “Since this is Bonnie’s kitchen, I’m gonna treat her just like I would treat a regular boss. Whatever she asks me to do, Imma do it, but I think Rock deserves to win.”

The next morning, “construction” on the two restaurants continues, and with eight hours until service, the two teams do a trial run of their various dishes. Bonnie realizes that it’s “humbling” for Julia to be cooking under her, but she notes Julia is going to have to deal with it. (Should I even bother to mention the contrivance that is the “Hell’s Kitchen Designer” telling Bonnie that they’ve run out of wallpaper? Or Bonnie’s worry that the wallpaper is bubbling WAY THE FUCK UP BY THE TWENTY-FOOT TALL CEILINGS? Well, let me ask you this: does it ever come to anything or even matter in Ramsay’s eyes? No? Okay, then.)

Rock’s prep goes fairly well. At one point, he even pulls Josh aside to give him a pep talk. He tells Josh that he himself has confidence in his cooking, and Josh just needs to have confidence in himself. It’s all nice and leadershippy and very befitting a champion.

During prep, Bonnie notes that Melissa is overcooking the prawns, a comment that Ramsay parrots when he does a tasting of Bonnie’s menu. Oh, and speaking of the menus, I caught Mr. HK Narrator calling Bonnie’s chèvre salad a “shevra salad,” which just au bon pained me. Dude, it’s “shev” — the “re” is silent. It’s more prison yard weapon than it is a gas station, you know? Other items on Bonnie’s menu include her “signature” egg fettuccine with sautéed Thai prawns and a dessert assortment of chocolate truffles. Ramsay is pretty complimentary about everything on Bonnie’s menu except the aforementioned overcooked prawns and her dessert, which he determines to be too small for a restaurant dessert. He advises her to “do something with it,” which we never see.

For Rock’s part, his menu features a crispy chicken breast and crab cake over jasmine rice (his signature dish), a pan-roasted prime rib eye, and a vanilla bean milkshake with chocolate chunk cookies for dessert. Ramsay’s notes are that the rice is way too garlicky and the milkshake is “too clumsy as a dessert.” He recommends Rock “soften it up a bit” by serving a smaller amount of the milkshake in a cocktail glass instead of a predictable tall glass.

Passing over Ramsay’s inspection of the two “newly designed” restaurants (because see: DOESN’T EVER MATTER), we move into Ramsay’s pep talk to the two finalists, after which he anoints them with executive chef jackets and JP flings open Hell’s Kitchen. Before service gets underway, Brad — who has always been pretty awesome on this show — wishes Rock luck and tells him he’s there for him all night. Mr. HK Narrator tries to make us care about how the diners will react to the finalists’ food because, as he puts it, “feedback from the diners is more important than ever, as Chef Ramsay will consider their input when choosing tonight’s winner.” Yeah, but it really doesn’t and he really won’t.

The first orders for appetizers come in and go out without incident. When the next orders come in, Bonnie comes down on her team for not calling back. She tells us that she thinks her team disregards what she says because they still don’t take her seriously. Bonnie starts to run into real problems with a completely silent and fairly blasé Julia, who tells us that she wasn’t really even paying attention to who was doing what since she just wanted to get dinner service over. Later on, Bonnie doesn’t respond to Julia, and Ramsay comes down on her for fostering a silent team. Somewhere in all of this, Bonnie runs out of her egg fettuccine as well as her prawns, so no more orders for her signature dish can be had. JP is left to make peace with the freeloading customers, who later complain about cold, undercooked food. A still mostly-silent Julia tells a barking Bonnie, “Just be happy I’m giving you your food.” Damn, way to show future employers what a team player you are, Julia! Finally, in the last movement in the Bonnie v. Julia cacophony, Bonnie asks Julia to wrap something up and put it away, but Julia chooses to turf that job to Jen. When Bonnie hears this, she comes down hard on Julia, they argue and squeal, and Ramsay orders Bonnie to run her kitchen.

On Rock’s side, nothing goes out of his kitchen for over thirty minutes, and Josh burns the crab cakes again and again, so Ramsay pulls Rock aside and tells him Josh is screwing up his restaurant. Rock yanks Josh off fish and puts him on stuff that really doesn’t need much done to it except heating. With Brad adding his voice of encouragement to Rock’s orders, Rock kitchen is finally, um, rocking.

After service ends, Ramsay asks each finalist what they would have done differently. Rock says he would have won the taste challenge so he could have first pick of his cooking team. He would have chosen Jen because she has really impressed him (insert noises of Jen beaming and kvelling). Furthermore, if Rock had first pick, he wouldn’t have been stuck with Josh, who really brought the team to a screeching halt. Josh doesn’t care because, as he tells us, he knows how to cook. Really and truly. Totally. Knows how to cook crab cakes until you can’t cook them any more. Definitely. Bonnie admits that if she had it all to do again, she would have made sure to have enough pasta and shrimp to last the night.

Oh, my God, the last FIFTEEN minutes where Ramsay takes some time to consider his decision should have lasted only FIVE! Up in the dorm, Rock and Bonnie hug it out, sincerely wish each other well, and talk about feelings. Ugh — move it ALONG! Finally, after complimenting both of the finalists (Hee — Ramsay tells Rock he knows why he’s called “Rock.” Give up? Because he’s “Rock solid.”) Ramsay positions Bonnie and Rock behind two closed doors. Only one of the door handles will open to allow the winner to walk through. Bonnie and Rock stand there, their hands on the handles for EIGHTEEN BILLION YEARS, before Rock walks through as the season three Hell’s Kitchen winner. Rock bends over crying, Bonnie beams for him and hugs him happily, and the crowd goes wild! Rock’s wife looks calmly happy, but also simply exhausted as she jiggles their half-asleep daughter on her shoulder. She hugs Rock and tells him she loves him so much. I wonder if she’s thinking, “Fuck. Now we gotta move to Vegas.” Rock tells us he’s thrilled he won because he showed his kids that if you stick with something, you can make it happen.

The show closes out in a big party of shiny falling paper and Ramsay and Scott spraying everyone with Champagne. “Season twelve’s winner right here!” Rock bellows, pointing at his adorable son.

And it’s over. See you all around. Hmm, Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares looks pretty badass, doesn’t it?

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